The Art of Bullshitting

          Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. I would like to not only welcome you, but I would also like to thank each of you for coming to class today. Now that that’s out of the way, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jasmine Grayson; I am a teenage girl with the ability to manipulate people into believing what I want them to. Many of you wonder how that’s possible. It’s called the art of bullshitting.

The art of bullshitting is so simple that it tends to seem so complex to so many people. Many believe that the concept is easy and all that is required of you is to lie, however there is more to making people believe you. Bullshitting someone requires only three things of you: 1) understand what the person wants to hear, 2) tell them what they want to hear, and 3) some ability to act. Bullshitting is based upon one’s own perception, not so much as how good of an actress/actor you are.

Allow me to further explain the three mechanisms of bullshitting. To understand what a person wants to hear you have to analyze their statements as well as their actions. Sometimes both coincide with one another and other times they do not. In the case of a contradiction, always go off what is being done because words can be deterred while actions follow the heart.

The second tool to bullshitting someone is telling someone what he or she wants to hear. This step in relatively easy as long as you’re able to do #1 which is to be able to understand what it is they want to hear. Once they believe that you actually agree with them their mind is open for manipulation. Another trick to making one think they have heard what they wanted to hear is talking in so many circles that they get confused into questioning themselves, thus creating manipulation of the mind.

The final and somewhat crucial role to bullshitting is how well you can deliver. Many people can grasp the concept of the other two tools but lack the ability to act. If you are able to look sincere, honest, in love, etc. you can make a person believe anything you are saying.

But before I close I would like to recap and explain the three mechanisms of bullshitting: 1) understand what the person wants to hear, 2) tell them what they want to hear, and 3) some ability to act. With those three tools you can make people do and believe almost anything you say unless they are better at bullshitting than you.

For those of you in the audience who believe that you are good at bullshitting people there are numerous jobs that require your services. The most common include doctors, lawyers, and politicians. If you believe that you are among some of the best I beg of you to get a college degree and do what you do best. Thank you for listening goodbye.